08/08/2005
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Chinese Hollyoaks

Anyone who has seen The Backstroke Of The West knows that when it comes to English, the Chinese couldn't subtitle their way OUT OF A FUCKING PAPER BAG.

I didn't know Hollyoaks was so popular in China, where apparently people love it more than their own spines - regular festivals and firework displays are held to celebrate events like Chef Tony and that blonde girl getting together in Italy, or the late night episodes when someone shows their bum and says "Bollocks!"

Imagine my surprise when I came across this bootleg Chinese DVD of Hollyoaks. Not only did the DVD sleeve feature a picture of a worried horse, but the subtitles were also a hilarious bonus - a direct English translation of the Chinese subtitles that were taken from the Chester to English translation of the original script. Understand? Good.
chinese hollyoaks
Bazongas
Blonde girl: "Did you or did you not order the gammon?"
chinese hollyoaks
Student: "Finally I have imprisoned the evil genie in this box. Phew!"
chinese hollyoaks
Blonde girl: "I must return a skirt to Top Shop. Where is the receipt?"
chinese hollyoaks
Blonde girl: "Oh! I've only gone and left eggs in the student union. Again!"
chinese hollyoaks
Blonde girl: "I think I'm going to be a time traveller - is this 1536?"
chinese hollyoaks
Blonde man: "I have a lot of free time on my hands."
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